Close Your Freaking Mouth: Appreciate, Don't Masticate

Chomp...smack...chomp.

Do you hear that? That's the obnoxious sound of an human's teeth, gums, and lips connecting with a piece of bubble-licious gum. Yes, it is as annoying, distracting, and irritating as a chainsaw outside your bedroom window at 3 A.M. This occurrence not only irritates those around the "chomper" and causes them to lose focus on whatever they are doing, but it also hinders many educational experiences and causes common sicknesses.

Now you may have a jaw issue or a canker sore, so I understand that it may be difficult sometimes to comfortably chew with your mouth closed. To explain how this problem has affected me personally, I am going to share a short, true story.

Now this is a true story, keep in mind. While taking my Advanced Chemistry final exam last semester, I was bothered by a disturbing noise. To my left sat my friend. We shall call her--Karen. While trying to figure out an insanely difficult chemical redox equation, I heard...it...that sound...that noise that makes me cringe, tighten my shoulders up to my ears, and make a painful facial expression.

Chomp...smack...chomp.

I looked at Karen and held my finger up to my lips. "Shhh!" I whispered. She chuckled, thinking I was joking with her or something like that. I went about my business, differentiating between strong and weak acids, but little did she know, I was aggravated beyond belief at her munching and gnawing. Yes, I am sure that that wildberry-fruitastic flavored gum tasted delicious, but because I was in the middle of a exam--a flat out hard one, at that--I did NOT care for Karen to share her satisfaction in such a sloppy-sounding manner. Anyways, I went about my business, trying my best to focus on the paper in front of me and not on Karen's gum-chomping fettish. My attempt went unsuccessful. I could not bring myself to concentrate on those give-me-a-T-for-terrifying limiting reactant equations. Infuriated was what I was. I-wanna-go-home-and-eat-ice-cream-with-my-mommy was how I felt. All because my desk neighbor could not keep their mouth shut for an hour, I was unable to devote my concentration to my test. I ended up recieving an under par grade. Gee, thanks, Karen.

This brings me to one of my main points on why chewing gum with your mouth open is heinous. Hindered educations. Indeed, they do exist, especially when one is having his/her right to focus in school taken away from him/her. When someone sounds like a herd of cows smacking on his/her regurgitated cud, it is extremely distracting and quite repulsive to a myriad of people around that one person. Everyday, students with giant hopes and dreams attend school to recieve a quality education. Many kids come to school to attain high grades in the hopes of being accepted into the college of their choice and pursuing the career they desire. Success is based on education. How can a student dedicated to their studies not expect to lose concentration in school when Jane Doe is chomping away in his/her ear?

Other concerns about chomping on gum linger, such as sickness. When one has his/her mouth open while chewing gum, spit will fly. The common cold may very well be transferred through gum chewing. Let us try and save more people from a couple days in bed by shutting our mouths while we execute this gum chewing activity. This site shows that there are numerous people in the world with actual phobias of the act of chomping on gum or food. Therefore, people who continue to chew their gum in this loud manner are contributing to an international phobia, causing these people to just about lose their minds. I, however, do not believe my case is quite this extreme. Other minor setbacks to chomping on gum are the fact that it gives bad first impressions. Picture yourself at an event where first impressions matter. You wouldn't have a piece of gum in your mouth and be masticating away now, would you? No, you wouldn't, because that comes across as unprofessional, and more importantly, it is simply and insanely obnoxious.

Next time you think about slipping a piece of minty Stride or Bazooka-zooka bubble gum into your mouth, stop...and ask yourself this. Do I want to annoy everyone around me today or not? If you wish to do so, chomp on that gum like you never have before. If you wish to be a respectful human being, please, I beg of you, do not make these nauseating noises I have been ranting about. It will save the dear ones around you from cringing in disgust, or simply from being as irritated as a poison ivy skin rash.