Some people "in love" might say that high school relationships make them feel "on cloud nine" or "head over heels". They may exclaim they have found the person they will spend the rest of their life with. They may argue true friends will wait while the romance brews. However, there is a difference in waiting a couple days for a friend to get over being lovestruck and being neglected for weeks/months/years.
My mom has always said "Stick by your friends. Boys come and go, but friends are forever". Having a relationship doesn't mean a person can't enjoy the companionship of friendship. Kindergarten guided us to share: toys, crayons, cards. Now, high school is teaching us to share time between boyfriends/girlfriends and best friends. Either way, kindergarteners or high schoolers need to learn that they don't have to choose one or the other. They can acquire both--if they know how to share.
Tossing friends aside for a relationship is harmful because it:
- Causes a person to become reclusive, leading to missing out on opportunities to drive to Steak n' Shake at 11pm or see a movie on a rainy day. Also, it can stunt a person's emotional growth and overall well being. Seeing only one person everyday doesn't let a person develop social skills or experience other people's point of view.
- Creates tensions in a friendship, possibly leading to having no friends. If the couple breaks up, guess what happens? The person who had thrown his/her friends out like curdled milk will be alone. No one will be there to pick up the pieces of the person's broken heart.
- Can lead to an abusive relationship. When a couple relies on each other for everything because they have pushed their friends away, one of them may take advantage of the other. They are as dependent on each other as baby ducklings are on their mother to help them arrive to safety--the couple can rely on no one else and trust each other for help. However, this trust can cause issues, like in one case, a woman's husband verbally abused her by calling her stupid. This lead to her "self-esteem in the gutter".
Putting one relationship above all others is an issue, as established above. However, it can be stopped. By making plans with friends once a week, the friends won't feel neglected or invisible. A person should not text a boyfriend/girlfriend in front of other friends because they will get angry at being blatantly ignored. If a person can't spend a few hours apart from a significant other without communicating, that person shouldn't be hanging out with friends and should be spending time with his/her lover. Texting friends more often and planning group outings can prove to the friends that the person in a relationship still cares about them. However, this person must stick to his/her plans or else the friends will become as furious as a mom that catches her son sneaking out at night. It won't go over well, trust me. For more information on how to balance friends and partners, click here.
Which relationship is more important: a friend you have known for years or a boy/girl you have known for weeks? Plus, if a person and this "
special someone" break up, what will happen? Are his/her friends going to be very keen to welcome him/her back with open arms? Don't be like the blond girl to the left--respect your friends and share your time. If kindergarteners know how to share, high schoolers should too.
Jessica, that was beautiful. I actually teared up towards the beginning, and even more as a read on. This so sad, and so relatable. It makes me think of myself lately, wondering, even crying, wondering why my kindergarten friendships are falling apart, and keep thinking it was something I did. This is very true for boyfriends, and just interest and friend changes in general. Your piece was so powerful, and has the ability to open so many people's eyes to how people feel about this changing relationship between their friends. It's like, I want to feel happy when my friend is in a relationship, but at the same time, you don't know what to feel, happy, jealous, left out? It is all so true, and not just crayons and playgrounds anymore. Your paper was so emotionally powerful, and overall, beautifully written, really, really great job Jessica :) (I left a comment before, but naturally, knowing my computer skills, it deleted, but I tried to remember everything I said and repeated it, sorry :))
ReplyDeleteJessica,
ReplyDeleteFirst off let me just say your title was AWESOME. It got my attention and made me laugh! I agree with your topic. I have been in this situation. I was the bestfriend waiting for her friend to come down from cloud nine. And you're right, it took forever. Luckily for her I am a pretty patient person and we still remain friends but I could see how things could take a turn for the worse with less patient people! Your three logical points supported your subject well. I never really thought about the fact that by relying only on one other person could lead to abuse. It's true. My favorite part of your blog would have to be the last scentence. It really puts things into perspective. As kids we learn that "sharing is caring" and we need to keep those morals. If we can share as little five year olds, we should have no problem sharing as teenagers and young adults. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. Great job!!!